It was during my ninth grade, that I came to know about Albert Einstein because I had to study about his life history as part of my school curriculum. The more I read about him, the more inspired I was. The level of inspiration rose up to level, such that I dropped my dreams of becoming a doctor. It was not my dream alone, but the dream of my family itself. The interesting fact is that the story of inception of the doctor dream goes back to the day since i started playing the Pretend-Doctor game. Thus my parents started having this wild dream of turning me into a doctor.
Anyway, I shed the dreams of becoming a doctor with the ease of plucking a flower. And that very moment, I made up my mind to become a scientist. Not just a scientist, a scientist like Albert Einstein. What really surprises me is that I still do not understand what gave me the courage to dream about being a scientist. Now, when i look back, the only similarity i can find between me and Einstein is the fact that we both did bad in exams. And yes, we had more or less similar hair. Moreover Abdul Kalam said, if only you aim for the stars, then will you reach the treetop. I aimed for Einstein and started a journey afresh. It was indeed a different feeling. I tried to start looking at things from different perspectives. Started asking questions like WHY HOW WHEN on everything and anything that came across my way. I was confident that I was on the right path.
This went on for about a month, maybe for another month also. That’s when my aunty landed. Since I was progressing to my 10th grade( which is said to be the crucial point in one’s life, which I haven’t understood till now WHY) she asked what my ambition was. With great pride and confidence, I said ” I want to become a scientist like Albert Einstein”. Though several years have passed by, I still remember the look on her face, which I may never ever forget…Anyway, the Einstein dreams did not linger any further. I spent sleepless nights thereafter, calculating the permutations and combinations of realising my Einstein dream. Finally I decided to dilute my einstein dream by limiting it to pursuing a post graduation in physics and if possible a doctorate and if at all possible in the distant future, end up in research and development. With my dreams cut short, or in respect of Kalam’s words, I aimed for a much nearer star, and ended up somewhere I haven’t figured out yet. Stars were gone, Einstein was gone.
Now in my mid forties, when I look back, I regret for not spending time on finding out what I really wanted. I regret for not trusting myself. I regret for going behind other’s dreams rather than following my own.
Now when I see my kid growing up, all I wish to advise him, is to find his passion. To follow his heart no matter what. To believe in himself. To fly like a bird.
In my case, if someone had asked me the cliché question now, I would have said, I AM IN THE QUEST OF FINDING MY PASSION. Because once my friend said, for both LOVE and PASSION, age is just a number..
NAVARASA- A blogger, who has her own independent views on life. Navarasa started writing a few years back and hopes to bring out a collection of writings shortly. Navarasa’s passions include music, dance and painting.
THE BREW 